his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize