you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
