So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
