I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
