You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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