is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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