She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My cat gives me a boner
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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