I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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