i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize