a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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