To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize