i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
