you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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