i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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