Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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