that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
