I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nutella sex= disaster
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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