I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
whose parrot is this?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
