dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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