She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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