So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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