Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
