I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
