I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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