My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
