I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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