I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
