my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
