he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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