I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
