Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
