R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
