She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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