I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
