we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
