So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
