Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im part way to drunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
