I wish i was in the wii world.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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