I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
