Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
