Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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