I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
