I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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