It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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