There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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