I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
