I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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