how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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