it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
