everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
