Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
