Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This girl is more easily done than said...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
