Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
