why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
