we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
