do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
