i was born a porn star she said
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
