hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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