Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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