I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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