So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
