I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
