Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize