my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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