i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
how does that bad decision feel?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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