tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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