He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
